Confessions of a Loveaholic...

And in my courage – this is what I found wrapped in a box, tied with a bow: I learned to find my voice again. I learned to love myself. I learned to appreciate, honor and respect my body. I learned that other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. I learned that I deserve everything the world has to offer. I learned that I have much to offer the world. I learned how to love from my soul. I remembered how to laugh – at myself. I remembered how to love without condition. I remembered how to dance like no one was watching. As my year began, my tank was on E.  E did not stand for ‘enough’ it stood for EMPTY.  I was empty; I was hollow.  I walked through my life as a mere shell of a human being. Today – I am a HUMAN coming into my own BEING. I am the perfect imperfection. I am strong. I am love. I am whole. I am unafraid.

Tonight, God gave me the biggest (and the hardest) commandment - "Michelle, obey Me." And with this obedience came the pre-requisite of trust. My conversations with Him are a pattern of apologies and assurances and then pleas. He keeps on saying how sorry He is for letting me go through this NOW. And I kept on telling Him not to be too harsh on me. Over and over. I can feel his mercy for the pain the world has inflicted on me. But at the same time,  He knows I need to experience this.  It is as if He has foreseen this, but it was I who brought this to my self. He placed enough sign boards along the way saying I should follow the U-turn back to His plans. Hard-headed, I said, "Dont worry Father. This is only a detour. You'll see. I'll get what I want. You'll get what You want from me. It's a win-win! See?" It was too late to turn around this time.  I have fallen off a cliff. And I didnt let go. I kept on holding on to every solid ground my fi...