Baggage Claim

I love when I am at the airport, waiting for my bags to come around the conveyor belt. I always look at the other bags that circle around and wonder which ones are filled with old clothes, new clothes, maybe some trinkets or maybe just filled with vibrators, gag balls and whips. When it comes to relationships, do we look at partners and wonder about the things we don't see. What baggage do they carry? What does it look like? Where does it come from?

 With this is in mind, I wonder when we walk the streets of our city do we look at our potential mates the same way. Do we look at others wondering what they hold inside? What baggage will they bring into a relationship? Don't we all wish we had like x-ray relationship goggles so we could see into a person before dating them? See what the person wants, their motives, their intentions and of course their baggage.


As I mature, I am becoming more aware of my baggage. Mr. Vegas and I are getting closer and as you all know we speak often. So one day this week, I didn't speak to him after approximately 5pm. I called around 7:30 and again around 1am; no answer. By the time I was ready to go to bed (4am) I already cursed him out and wrote him off to be a cheater. Yes, a cheater and we didn't even make our relationship "official". In my defense: I am an only child, I do not play well with others nor do I like to share my toys. So ummm, he is mine. *in my head anyway* But because of my recent dead-end relationship with a cheater, I just assumed when you don't answer and/or return my calls you are knee-deep in another woman. I know its wrong but it's what I am use to. So because I refuse to go to bed angry, I cursed him out in my head. Let it go and went to bed. The following day he texted and called before I woke up and had a valid excuse. I felt good that I didn't tell him off. This was a sign to me that I am starting to feel him more than I let on. But with all of this (feelings, I guess) comes the urge to check his phone to make sure he isn't dealing with other women and if he is to what extent. I don't do it because (1) I don't want to find out something that may harm this relationship and (2) because that is his property and it isn't my place to check it. Crazy enough, I have several friends who would think it is ok to check his phone. Is this something "scorned women" do in an attempt to protect themselves or is it a badge of insecurity?

Although we all think each relationship starts with a clean slate, the truth is as you run away from one relationship and walk into another, you bring your experiences and baggage to the new relationship. I do think from each relationship, you should bring what you have learned, like what you don't like, what you won't settle for and of course the wisdom of knowing signs of foul play; because this all adds to the better person you would be in a relationship. The new lover shouldn't have to pay for the mistakes of the old lover. So I am actively walking myself through this process because I don't want my baggage to interfere with something that I feel like can be a great and serious thing. *wink*

I am back at that the Baggage Claim watching my suitcases I packed after ended relationships, go around and around. I refuse to claim them. They are filled with hurt, pain, sadness, disappointment, emotional scars, physical scars and of course the memories of it all. I will be here for a while because separating with them is hard and although they are toxic they have defined a part of me. I will not pick them up because on the other side of the doors is a bright and happy future.

Feeling like the Black Carrie Bradshaw
*smooches*