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In the beginning....

From the beginning, I guess I have always been a hopeless romantic, who has loved red roses, white horses and the strapping man that would spend his forever with me. The young girl who watched all romantic movies with hope that one day I too would find my leading man and live happily ever after.


So now at age 27, unmarried, childless, and not a relationship in sight, I guess my dream has yet to fulfill itself and with 30 knocking at the door, it is hard not to begin to wonder where the problem actually lies. Is it the men I date or is it me? What do I put out there that just isn't attracting the marriage, family type? Will I ever marry a good man with good credit, and have his childrren? With my heart desiring these things so much I wonder if I project that and that in fact scares men off.... (men feel free to comment here).


So being that I can only talk about me and my perspective: I am a serial relationshipper, I am loyal to my relationships for the most part (depends on your definition of cheating) and I love being in a relationship. I love being in love and trying to be all that I can be within these relationships (hence the moniker, the LOVEAHOLIC, I love all things loveable). My first relationship was in high school at age 14, so I have been continously dating for 13 years with very brief installments of singlehood. 


I don't ever consider myself a "player" but when I am single, I have at least 2-3 guys around to court me and then I choose the one best- fitting to my needs,wants and desires. One may hang around as "insurance"(unknow to them of course) . This is where the relationship begins. The relationship tends to be a worldwind of fun, dates, trips, sex and arguments and then the relationship fizzles out when I realize there is no progression towards bringing our lives together. This is a very tiring, draining cycle and process, that usual last for more than a year. I have had ranges of relationships from the longest being 7 years to shortest being 3 years and I have ABSOLUTELY nothing to show for it but the scars on my heart.
 
So here we are with my cast of characters, my thoughts, an empty bed and finger and no one to share my forever with....
 
My feelings are getting harder to mask because all around me friends are moving in with boyfriends, getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant and having babies. I want that, not necessarily in that order but I WANT IT!! I have been engaged once and let's just say calling that engagement off was the best thing I could have ever done. Although I am happy with my choice and very happy for my friends, my heart aches for the completion of a companion. I want it to be real, something that is worth fighting for but never really having to. A love that my mom would be proud of. I want someone for me.
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Comments

  1. George & Weezy JeffersonJanuary 3, 2010 at 9:11 PM

    He said: One must first find happiness in themselves before they can find happiness in others. Socrates said it best when he said "Know thy self." Meaning you must know who you are and what your happiness is before you can bring someone else into your life. True happiness is only found when you stop looking for a man that meets all of your requirements and accept man for who he is.

    She said: Stop worrying so much about being single and meeting that thirty deadline. Instead use that time to focus on YOU. Get your house in order emotionally, spiritually, physcially and financially. So when Mr. Right comes your way you won't be caught up with a bunch a mess that makes you unavailable. Lastly, if you REALLY want that fairy tale love stop settling for good enough and trust that you deserve to be loved like that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Michal RoseJanuary 3, 2010 at 10:52 PM

    I love the tag name!!! I'm actively getting my house in order Mrs. Jefferson, but is it wrong to want to share this experience with someone who may be in the same place? I know what makes me happy and I sincerely happy with myself but I desire to share this happiness and love. I am not "looking" for the right guy,I just often wonder if I would really know when he does come.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Erica R.January 4, 2010 at 12:02 AM

    Hey chica,
    I had to go check your fb page to check your bday because you sound just like me. Thought you were a libra, lol. I agree with everyone when they say work on you. He's out there, you just have to meet a few frogs before you get to him. The good and bad will prepare you for HIM, whenever he arrives.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Weezy JeffersonJanuary 6, 2010 at 10:11 PM

    Trust me you will know, one sure way is that you won't have to work so hard. All the questions, worrying, frustration and games will be shut down. All you have to do is surrender to it, trust it and allow him to LOVE you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Michal RoseJanuary 7, 2010 at 12:09 AM

    Allow him to love me... Mrs. Jefferson, soooo deep! I might just have to let that happen.

    ReplyDelete

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