Mr. Vegas, Mr. Vegas, Mr. Vegas! Mr. Vegas has all my attention these days. He calls often, says all the right things, visits, spends the night, likes to go on dates and calls me "baby". He is so cool to be around but of course I run into the issue I always do: How to play it cool (whatever that may be) and not become the "clingy girl". I am okay with my feelings being known but I do not want them to be overwhelming that he takes off running.
So we were on the phone earlier having this deep conversation about me going out with some friends
but of course it turned into a hypothetical situation…
Vegas: Out with who?
Me: Girls from high school
Vegas: Ok. Just let me know what time.
Me: Ok. Why did you ask about who I was going with… Worried it was a man (laughing)
Vegas: Never. If it was a man, I wouldn't care. I came to pick you up and that's that.
Off course me being Michelle, I wanted to explore the "I wouldn't care" comment. We are all friends here so I am not going to lie: from his "I wouldn't care… I heard "I don't care about you and what you do"…. I needed an explanation and I needed one quickly.
Me: Please explain how if we are spending all of this time together, eating, laughing, sharing secrets and bodily fluids then how is it that you do not care if I am passing time with another man.
Before he could explain anything, I felt a shift in my mindset… "if he doesn't cherish all the time I am spending with him, then perhaps I should spend my time elsewhere…" –the thought of juggling men was ignited…
Vegas: We aren't in a relationship so it doesn't matter if you are spending time elsewhere. (pauses) if you saw me out with another girl, how would I feel?"
Me: My answer was simple: I am an only child, I don't play well with others and I don't like sharing my toys.
Vegas: (after his laughing died down) I think I like the toy thing… but would you cause a scene?
Me: No. But I wouldn't be the same after something like that.
Vegas: Why?
Me: Because if we are getting to know each other then lay it all out there. Just say " Hey Chelle, I am dealing with 6 chicks at this time, you are number 4 and at any given time you might see me out with another girl". Then I know what I am getting into and if I can handle it.
Vegas: I can respect that and I completely understand that.
From this conversation, my mind began to turn a million miles a minute. Why do men and women see things so differently? When I am getting to know someone they start at 100%. I trust them until they give me a reason not to. I entertain men but not to the same extent, especially if I am feeling someone. I always try to set an example, I do and say what I would like to have done and said to me. Although my past dictates the obvious outcome, I try hard to leave my baggage at the door when walking into a new relationship. So with Mr. Vegas, I have spent so much time with him and no one else that I assume I would get the same treatment. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to think that if there are other players in this game, I should be informed of them, so I can decide if I want to continue or forfeit?
In my head: I am figuring that he is quite content with me because we speak often, he always answers the phone, if he misses the call he calls right back, when he wants to go out or have company he calls me over to spend the night. So when would he have time for another woman, but I know where there is a will there is a way. After much thought, I don't care if there are others around because when he wants me he comes for me and when he is ready he will ask to be "my man". *secretly crossing my fingers* I will play my position for now, unless a more appealing opportunity presents itself ....
I am getting older and I hope wiser, so I have learned from previous mistake and more inclined to listen to what is said and the unsaid .....it is time to spread the love.... won't have me stuck on stupid, crying, listening to Nina Simone with a glass of wine.....not unless you are truly worth it, that is....
Tis true Michelle. I totally agree with guys being upfront with what is really going on so that women can make an informed decision. Unfortunately, I think guys think they are doing us a favor by making us think we are the only one they are dealing with. They probably feel like women wouldnt be open to them dating other women but to me... its the opposite. Women would rather know they have "competition" and can (for lack of a better word) play thier role/position. One of my friends said if a man is upfront and honest with her she will make the decision to be with him even if he has a girl, other women on the side or whatever... Bottom line men arent honest about all the women they are involved with for fear of losing out on a good woman....they are sooo indecisive at times.
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Wow, that is such a normal feeling for us (women). I dont think there is a sounded answer and I soooooo know what you mean...how, when and where?
ReplyDeleteMen veiws on things r very different they feel by being honest it will hurt the women and change the good times they r having wich in 95% of the case is true as u just said u most think does the man u deal with really cares about u as a person and not as a sexual object hearts will get broke and filled with joy and love this is the game of life and love
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