As my Sunday winds down and I sit in my chair watching a movie, preparing for my week ahead; I realize these are the times when the world is quiet and I can hear my heart yearning for a companion. I would love to lay in his arms, smell him, touch him, listen to his voice, to his laugh. I wonder what we are going to eat for dinner and what we will fall asleep watching. Will he hold my hand while he sleeps? Every time I move will he move?….Someone who is all mine. Yes, I could have this with a couple of guys but I don’t want a couple of guys. I want my guy, my husband (where ever he may be). While Mr. Vegas, NJ & Special K (the exes) and Boy-Toy are able to fulfill my requests, they aren’t mine and at this time they are just placeholders.
Boy-Toy…. Yes you can meet him now…he is my “young thang” *in my pimp voice*. He has no children, no girlfriend, no job, no ambition, no money, no nothing but a desire to please Me. He is a kind person with really good intentions but that doesn’t do much for someone like me. I love him, because I remember being that way for Special K (we will meet him at a later time) and to hurt him by letting him go is worst then just allowing him to hang around (the justification in my mind). So Boy-Toy is always available to be my bed warmer but his lack of ambition is a complete “turn-off’, so we never intimate because of this minor hang-up. Everyone, welcome Boy-Toy to the cast of characters….. (You will hear about him sporadically, so don’t get attached…)
The funny thing is as a woman, I have noticed that I love the guys who are never available to cuddle and hate the guys who have time and like to cuddle. It is like any dude with an “Emotionally Unavailable” sign on his forehead, chest,sleeve,etc and a Magnum condom in his pocket, is my aphrodisiac. LMAO… I know I need help. But because I am often attracted to these men does that mean that I am actually emotionally unavailable. Is my attraction, my reflection? Is this is why I am often alone at night with my thoughts like I am now?
Boy-Toy…. Yes you can meet him now…he is my “young thang” *in my pimp voice*. He has no children, no girlfriend, no job, no ambition, no money, no nothing but a desire to please Me. He is a kind person with really good intentions but that doesn’t do much for someone like me. I love him, because I remember being that way for Special K (we will meet him at a later time) and to hurt him by letting him go is worst then just allowing him to hang around (the justification in my mind). So Boy-Toy is always available to be my bed warmer but his lack of ambition is a complete “turn-off’, so we never intimate because of this minor hang-up. Everyone, welcome Boy-Toy to the cast of characters….. (You will hear about him sporadically, so don’t get attached…)
The funny thing is as a woman, I have noticed that I love the guys who are never available to cuddle and hate the guys who have time and like to cuddle. It is like any dude with an “Emotionally Unavailable” sign on his forehead, chest,sleeve,etc and a Magnum condom in his pocket, is my aphrodisiac. LMAO… I know I need help. But because I am often attracted to these men does that mean that I am actually emotionally unavailable. Is my attraction, my reflection? Is this is why I am often alone at night with my thoughts like I am now?
They say we attract who and what we are. I think it more apropos to say we attract where we are in our life. Whether or not we realize we give off a vibe. Just because we say we are ready for a relationship does that mean we actually project that out to the world....if we did then boy toy wouldn't exist because we would not settle for what we know is so much LESS than we deserve! Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteBTW...don't you hate the fact that the ones we like and are attracted to are not the ones that are available to us. It's always the ones that we don't want that are willing to place the world at our feet. Is it something about us??? I know that was your original question but I am just as perplexed as you are. I hope some other commenters have more to offer than I did
ReplyDeleteLOL...because I know the characters I can't stop laughing at the names and the descriptions.
ReplyDeleteI dont think is your attraction but more or less your location. Where are you when you find these type of men can be the BIG problem...either stop looking there or stop settling there.
In answer to your question "...because I am often attracted to these men does that mean that I am actually emotionally unavailable. Is my attraction, my reflection?..." Ummm, I have to say "yes."
ReplyDeleteYou are obviously an amazing, smart woman. You should be with men who are good for you and good to you. You are special, and the men you hang with should treat you accordingly.
I think you need to get clear about what you really want. Look at your attitudes and beliefs about men and about yourself. Do you feel worthy of the attention and love of a good man? Do you feel truly ready to have a thoughtful, meaningful, grown-up relationship? If the answer is "no" that's quite ok. You just need to know the answer.
Because women like you who are beautiful and intelligent -- they usually get what they want. Women that go out in the world feeling worthy and showing confidence; they get what they go after. Women who go out in the world feeling less-than, fearful, or insecure...unfortunately that's what will be reflected back. (Btw I know this cuz I lived it.)
Love your blog girlfriend. It's fantastic. And thanks for mentioning mine. (http://datelikeagrownup.com/blog)