SO after a few relationships, more than I care to admit to... I found that there are rules to this game of Breaking Up... It is always hilarious to me the people who break up, get back together, break up, get back together, repeat 10 times. Get over it morons – if it’s broken, and stays broken, it’s beyond fixing. Shove the drama to the side and just break up already and move on with your life!!
Per Wikipedia: A relationship breakup (sometimes referred to as a relationship breakdown) occurs when a relationship, typically a romantic one, comes to an end. The breakup creates personal emotions, which vary from casual acceptance to emotional trauma. They may create feelings of relief, of regret, of fault someone for the breakdown, to anger, the seeking of revenge, besides other emotions.
There seem to be different opinions on what constitutes breaking up and what doesn’t…. for the sake of argument, we’ll assume you have no children together (thought one partner may have a child), you don’t work together and don’t live next door to each other. That being said, here’s a Guide to Breaking Up because some people don’t seem to quite get it and frankly, I find you people annoying and full of shit.
#1-Go to all the social networking sites you belong to and delete that person from your friends list. You can always re-add them later should the two of you choose to have a friendship but come on, you’re ex’s – are you really going to be so desperate for friends that you have to be friend’s with the ex who almost cost you your home? Tried to break into your house? Etc…?
#2-Change your status on said sites to Single.
Because guess what – when you break up with someone, you become single again. SINGLE. Not “In a relationship.” Maybe it’s just me loving the freedom of a break-up, but I like to advertise that I’m single again, not mope and keep myself socially unavailable on the off-chance that he comes back and sees the light and wants to be with me again and appreciates that I was so in love with him that I couldn’t really consider myself single….sound pathetic yet? So does keeping your status “in a relationship.”
#3-Delete/toss/replace all pictures of the two of you together– especially the ones kissing, holiday pictures, etc…. Frankly, anyone who maybe knows you’re broken up and wants to make a move will be halted by the folder of pictures entitled “me with my baby” and pictures of you sucking face with your ex – with whom you’ve broken up. Remember? You guys broke up?
#4- Stop texting each other.
You’ve broken up remember? No need to dig the knives in a little deeper, just leave each other alone. He hooked up with the bar tramp? So what – let him enjoy the crabs she just gave him. He hears that you called your old POA the day after the break-up? Big deal – the minute you’re broken up, you’re free to do whatever, and whoever, you want. Don’t harp on each other. He’s an ass – big deal. You texting him tell him he’s an ass won’t change that – focus on the fact that you are better person for being rid of that ass.
#5- Don’t try to stay in touch with his family – that’s border-line stalkerish.
It’s really not appropriate. I don’t care if just last week they said they loved you – blood is thicker than water and the minute you broke-up with him, you broke up with his family too. Doesn’t mean you can’t be civil in public or social situations, but absolutely positively DOES mean that you don’t make lunch plans or carpool with members of his family.
#6- DO NOT do drive-by’s.
That’s stalker-mode and completely unattractive, desperate and creepy. It’s over. Leave the past in the past and forget each other’s address.
#7- Do NOT stop going to the same bars.
It’s a break-up, not the end of the world and really, sorry guys, no one’s going to give a shit if you’re broken up now. So walk on in with your head held high, say hello to everyone and have a couple drinks. Do NOT sit there and stare at your ex-girlfriend, do NOT allow your male friends surround you “to keep you safe” because that’s just lame. Stop acting like anyone really gives a shit – a relationship ended – wow, it’s so profound and affects everyone so much. Oh wait, no it doesn’t, because chances are, everyone knew from the beginning that your relationship was doomed and wait, hadn’t you “broken up” a couple times before for a night or two? Hadn’t he cheated? Wow, never saw that one coming. You’re not that special, avoidance is lame.
#8- Don’t mope.
It’s stupid. If the relationship were meant to be, he/she wouldn’t have stolen money from you, hit you, cheated on you, slapped you, broken up with you before, tossed your shit out the door, cheated on you, treated you like crap, let you work while he was an unemployed bum, drained you financially, fought with you every time he/she was drunk, pushed you around, belittled you, called you names, fought with your family members….getting the picture? Someone you break up with is clearly not worth keeping and thus not even remotely worthy of you sitting around and moping, missing them. Suck it up. Go get a piece of ass, you’ll feel better.
#9- Don’t try to reconcile only to end it again two days later.
Guess what – what was already broken (the relationship – again, that’s why it’s called a break-up) is not going to be suddenly fixed because the two of you are horny and lonely and wait, I didn’t mean to call you mooching fat-ass prick, I really do love you. I didn’t mean to call you a cock-sucking tramp-ass pill-popping fat-ass whore, I miss you so much. Yea, I can feel the love. Break-up and stay broken-up and just move on. Please.
These rules are because BREAKING UP ISN"T HARD TO DO....
Let’s face it – when you examine any issues that may have arisen, or warning signs, or whatever the case may be, in a relationship you’ve been involved in, it’s simple to break up with someone. ESPECIALLY if it’s only been a few weeks. Regardless of any feelings that may have developed, a new relationship that is nipped in the bud is not complicated, there are no shared checking accounts, housing, animals or children.
Regardless of how you may feel about someone, if you have had three fights over ridiculous issues….such as jealousy over the color of your bra posted on Facebook (to raise breast cancer awareness), discussions you’ve had online in a blog forum with other men, flirting shamelessly and talking about sex (months before you met your boyfriend) or sitting next to your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend in a bar…. Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate things.
Do you really want to have to watch every single thing that comes out of your mouth in casual conversation or texting? Do you want to ensure that you never mention having had sex with any other man, even in general passing “one time I got busted by my Mom having sex with my boyfriend?” Are you two consenting adults who had sex lives prior to meeting? Who gives a shit how many people you’ve slept with or who you’ve slept with and when? If I’m fucking you now, who cares who you fucked 5 years ago? Christ – maturity anyone? Get a little less possessive.
Regardless of your reasons – I don’t care if you had a bad hair day and he said your hair looked fat – you ended it. You’re moving on immediately. When the guy continuously emails and texts you, you’re going to get irritated. When you are battling insomnia (or other life issue), your patience is going to be very, very short. When, the next morning, you haven’t been able to sleep at all and he continues to email you and text you, ranging from he still loves you to you’re an evil, psychotic, heartless bitch and he hates you, you’re not going to give a royal fuck as you are driving your ass to work to only deal with more BS when you get there, remember that after work you have school. When you’re sitting there in your office, eyes heavy, supervisor's being an ass, clients are pouring their hearts out while trying to manage the night's homework assignment, and the dude texts you to say you will always have a special place in his heart, you will laugh your ass off, cringe because laughing hurts you are exerting energy that does not exist (running on pure fumes by the time he decides to accept the breakup). My reply text is: thank God you ended it because DAMN!
Once you get home FINALLY, drops bags, clothes off and climb into bed...dude calls you, you will sigh and put your cell phone on your nightstand and be glad he doesn’t have a key to your house. When you wake up in the morning and see he called again, you will delete the voicemail without listening to it because really? What – you’re going to change your mind? You’ve been called an evil, heartless bitch – mmmmm terms of endearment (I assume?).
After you calmly text him, tell him not to call, it’s done, goodbye, and he proceeds to send 10 more text messages, you won’t even read them. You will, however, hang on to them to refer to later when you examine the craziness of the last 48 hours and probably pull some good quotes for your blog. You will then situate yourself in your comfy black IKEA chair and ask God to send a GOOD GUY (no Taurus’s or Libra's) your way, try to ignore the feeling to ply sad music, tell your mother you don’t want to have sex ever again if this is what good sex gets you...
Jesus Christ – if someone breaks up with me, I don’t go crazy. I walk away. I toss the pictures, see the big picture and move on. What the fuck is up with men, or women for that matter, going completely ape shit for 48 hours??? Is rejection that hard? Is your self-esteem and self-worth so dependent on a successful relationship or, worse, a particular individual you’ve been dating for six weeks, that you have to lose your mind?
No thanks. This is me, writing down the qualities of my perfect man, putting that list into my copy of The Secret and reading my new astrology book to find the perfect astrological sign said man should possess……
Which reminds me….I should write a post on astrology and the partners I’ve had under those signs…..Damn I love inspiration.
There seem to be different opinions on what constitutes breaking up and what doesn’t…. for the sake of argument, we’ll assume you have no children together (thought one partner may have a child), you don’t work together and don’t live next door to each other. That being said, here’s a Guide to Breaking Up because some people don’t seem to quite get it and frankly, I find you people annoying and full of shit.
#1-Go to all the social networking sites you belong to and delete that person from your friends list. You can always re-add them later should the two of you choose to have a friendship but come on, you’re ex’s – are you really going to be so desperate for friends that you have to be friend’s with the ex who almost cost you your home? Tried to break into your house? Etc…?
#2-Change your status on said sites to Single.
Because guess what – when you break up with someone, you become single again. SINGLE. Not “In a relationship.” Maybe it’s just me loving the freedom of a break-up, but I like to advertise that I’m single again, not mope and keep myself socially unavailable on the off-chance that he comes back and sees the light and wants to be with me again and appreciates that I was so in love with him that I couldn’t really consider myself single….sound pathetic yet? So does keeping your status “in a relationship.”
#3-Delete/toss/replace all pictures of the two of you together– especially the ones kissing, holiday pictures, etc…. Frankly, anyone who maybe knows you’re broken up and wants to make a move will be halted by the folder of pictures entitled “me with my baby” and pictures of you sucking face with your ex – with whom you’ve broken up. Remember? You guys broke up?
#4- Stop texting each other.
You’ve broken up remember? No need to dig the knives in a little deeper, just leave each other alone. He hooked up with the bar tramp? So what – let him enjoy the crabs she just gave him. He hears that you called your old POA the day after the break-up? Big deal – the minute you’re broken up, you’re free to do whatever, and whoever, you want. Don’t harp on each other. He’s an ass – big deal. You texting him tell him he’s an ass won’t change that – focus on the fact that you are better person for being rid of that ass.
#5- Don’t try to stay in touch with his family – that’s border-line stalkerish.
It’s really not appropriate. I don’t care if just last week they said they loved you – blood is thicker than water and the minute you broke-up with him, you broke up with his family too. Doesn’t mean you can’t be civil in public or social situations, but absolutely positively DOES mean that you don’t make lunch plans or carpool with members of his family.
#6- DO NOT do drive-by’s.
That’s stalker-mode and completely unattractive, desperate and creepy. It’s over. Leave the past in the past and forget each other’s address.
#7- Do NOT stop going to the same bars.
It’s a break-up, not the end of the world and really, sorry guys, no one’s going to give a shit if you’re broken up now. So walk on in with your head held high, say hello to everyone and have a couple drinks. Do NOT sit there and stare at your ex-girlfriend, do NOT allow your male friends surround you “to keep you safe” because that’s just lame. Stop acting like anyone really gives a shit – a relationship ended – wow, it’s so profound and affects everyone so much. Oh wait, no it doesn’t, because chances are, everyone knew from the beginning that your relationship was doomed and wait, hadn’t you “broken up” a couple times before for a night or two? Hadn’t he cheated? Wow, never saw that one coming. You’re not that special, avoidance is lame.
#8- Don’t mope.
It’s stupid. If the relationship were meant to be, he/she wouldn’t have stolen money from you, hit you, cheated on you, slapped you, broken up with you before, tossed your shit out the door, cheated on you, treated you like crap, let you work while he was an unemployed bum, drained you financially, fought with you every time he/she was drunk, pushed you around, belittled you, called you names, fought with your family members….getting the picture? Someone you break up with is clearly not worth keeping and thus not even remotely worthy of you sitting around and moping, missing them. Suck it up. Go get a piece of ass, you’ll feel better.
#9- Don’t try to reconcile only to end it again two days later.
Guess what – what was already broken (the relationship – again, that’s why it’s called a break-up) is not going to be suddenly fixed because the two of you are horny and lonely and wait, I didn’t mean to call you mooching fat-ass prick, I really do love you. I didn’t mean to call you a cock-sucking tramp-ass pill-popping fat-ass whore, I miss you so much. Yea, I can feel the love. Break-up and stay broken-up and just move on. Please.
Let’s face it – when you examine any issues that may have arisen, or warning signs, or whatever the case may be, in a relationship you’ve been involved in, it’s simple to break up with someone. ESPECIALLY if it’s only been a few weeks. Regardless of any feelings that may have developed, a new relationship that is nipped in the bud is not complicated, there are no shared checking accounts, housing, animals or children.
Regardless of how you may feel about someone, if you have had three fights over ridiculous issues….such as jealousy over the color of your bra posted on Facebook (to raise breast cancer awareness), discussions you’ve had online in a blog forum with other men, flirting shamelessly and talking about sex (months before you met your boyfriend) or sitting next to your ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend in a bar…. Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate things.
Do you really want to have to watch every single thing that comes out of your mouth in casual conversation or texting? Do you want to ensure that you never mention having had sex with any other man, even in general passing “one time I got busted by my Mom having sex with my boyfriend?” Are you two consenting adults who had sex lives prior to meeting? Who gives a shit how many people you’ve slept with or who you’ve slept with and when? If I’m fucking you now, who cares who you fucked 5 years ago? Christ – maturity anyone? Get a little less possessive.
Regardless of your reasons – I don’t care if you had a bad hair day and he said your hair looked fat – you ended it. You’re moving on immediately. When the guy continuously emails and texts you, you’re going to get irritated. When you are battling insomnia (or other life issue), your patience is going to be very, very short. When, the next morning, you haven’t been able to sleep at all and he continues to email you and text you, ranging from he still loves you to you’re an evil, psychotic, heartless bitch and he hates you, you’re not going to give a royal fuck as you are driving your ass to work to only deal with more BS when you get there, remember that after work you have school. When you’re sitting there in your office, eyes heavy, supervisor's being an ass, clients are pouring their hearts out while trying to manage the night's homework assignment, and the dude texts you to say you will always have a special place in his heart, you will laugh your ass off, cringe because laughing hurts you are exerting energy that does not exist (running on pure fumes by the time he decides to accept the breakup). My reply text is: thank God you ended it because DAMN!
Once you get home FINALLY, drops bags, clothes off and climb into bed...dude calls you, you will sigh and put your cell phone on your nightstand and be glad he doesn’t have a key to your house. When you wake up in the morning and see he called again, you will delete the voicemail without listening to it because really? What – you’re going to change your mind? You’ve been called an evil, heartless bitch – mmmmm terms of endearment (I assume?).
After you calmly text him, tell him not to call, it’s done, goodbye, and he proceeds to send 10 more text messages, you won’t even read them. You will, however, hang on to them to refer to later when you examine the craziness of the last 48 hours and probably pull some good quotes for your blog. You will then situate yourself in your comfy black IKEA chair and ask God to send a GOOD GUY (no Taurus’s or Libra's) your way, try to ignore the feeling to ply sad music, tell your mother you don’t want to have sex ever again if this is what good sex gets you...
Jesus Christ – if someone breaks up with me, I don’t go crazy. I walk away. I toss the pictures, see the big picture and move on. What the fuck is up with men, or women for that matter, going completely ape shit for 48 hours??? Is rejection that hard? Is your self-esteem and self-worth so dependent on a successful relationship or, worse, a particular individual you’ve been dating for six weeks, that you have to lose your mind?
No thanks. This is me, writing down the qualities of my perfect man, putting that list into my copy of The Secret and reading my new astrology book to find the perfect astrological sign said man should possess……
Which reminds me….I should write a post on astrology and the partners I’ve had under those signs…..Damn I love inspiration.
Does anyone know of a website where actual people who used sexual enhancement products write? Not the ones who are trying to sell them to you? I'm looking for some information about a natural product called Virection.
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