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Can sleeping with someone else save a marriage?

“Jane” and “Ethan” have been together since high school. He had been with other women but he was her first and only sexual experience. They married shortly after high school and have now been married four years.  Things got rocky a few months back, Jane was pretty unhappy with her life and wasn’t sure she wanted to be married to Ethan anymore.  So they took a trial separation.  During this time she had sex with two men.  She now realizes that her husband is definitely the man for her.  She thinks sleeping with these other men made her realize how much she really does love and want to be with her husband.

Ethan is hurt and confused and now isn’t sure he can be with her anymore.  He doesn’t understand why it was necessary for her to become intimate with other people for her to realize she really does love him and want to be with him. 

Now.  I know in the past, over somewhat similar-ish topics it’s been brought up that the excuse ‘to see what else is out there’ is lame.  But I have to say I can see Jane’s side.  Should she have thought of the fact that she might be missing out on ‘life experiences’ by marrying so young and after having only been with one other person since high school before she married him?  Well, yes….  But at the time she was head over heels in love (been there).  Blinded by the happiness she felt at the time, the ‘bliss’ of new love (also been there).  Hindsight is twenty-twenty, no?
princesspolysemy: (via eagerlicker)
I don’t think this is uncommon. The guy I dated through high school was who I thought I would marry.  When he broke up with me my senior year of HS, I was devastated.  But once I got over it and began going out with my friends again, going to parties, concerts, enjoying the single life and dating…..I realized what I had been missing out on.  And no, we didn’t get back together.  But I can’t imagine if I hadn’t had that time to do my own thing.

I think it’s normal for her to have felt the way she did.  And I can see how once she’s ‘lived the life’ and experienced other people, she now realizes Ethan really IS the man she loves and wants to spend her life with.  Was the other choice not having a trial separation and her always unhappily wondering ‘what if’ or even worse, cheating on him….  Either of those things could have killed their marriage as well. 

I came across this quote on the topic (granted it references an affair, but still same idea-ish…)

Infidelity has plagued marriages since time immemorial. Even celeb marriages haven’t been spared. But now, experts believe that having an affair can be revitalising for a failing marriage. An affair can actually act as a catalyst to reignite the flames of passion in a lusterless relationship.
I can see how Ethan is hurt.  But I guess what it comes down to is how much he still loves his wife and really wants to be with her.
Can sleeping with someone else save a marriage?
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  1. AnonymousSeptember 20, 2010 at 2:08 PM

    No, sleeping with someone else can not save a marriage. She suddenly feels like she wants to be with him for the rest of her life based on two outside sexual experiences? Bullshit. Was it just sex or did these men take her out on dates and give her other experiences outside of sex? It seems like she was entertaining the, "what if's" when it came to sex. Not as far as exploring a real relationship with someone else.

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